so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
