i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
