Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize