dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
