"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
