There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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