I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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