I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
