I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I look better un-naked...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
