do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize