I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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