I think I died a long time ago.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
