I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
