I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I supernannyed him into submission
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
