and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Boobs are out for the taking
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i believe in u and ur pee
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