if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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