please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
