I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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