I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize