it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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