Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
