saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
