i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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