Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
