Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
