Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
