ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
