im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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