Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
