There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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