3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
