you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
