it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
