Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
