someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
