Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize