she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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