Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
