I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Michael Bay diarrhea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize