Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i think my cat just said my name.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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