I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
