wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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