My friends, they love my intelligence
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
