You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
