i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
