I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
