I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
