he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
