Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
