be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
