I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
