I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize