"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
