I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Plan B is the new Plan A
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
