Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
