you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
