Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
