whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
