May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
