clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
