It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
