Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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