I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
