Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
