I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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