i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didn't notice because vodka
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
