i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
