Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
