I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize