i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
