Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Damn victory sex feels great
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
