now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
