so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
