i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
