Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
