Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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