but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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