You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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