i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry about my life...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize