I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They took my balls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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