he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
