Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
