I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
