Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
