I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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