oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize