3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
