I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
