Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
