my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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