i love accidental penises.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize