...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
this is an emotional support booty call
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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