he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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