I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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