i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
