hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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