Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i've created a new STD.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
