We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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