i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
