The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
