i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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