The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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