I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
