I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
