what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
