i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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