My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
