I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize