Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize